What steps are part of a process of individual change?

Individual change is a multifaceted process that often involves several steps. Examples mentioned below are steps that are part of a process of individual change. The process is not always linear. To make change happen, we may move back and forth between steps. Additionally, the specific steps and strategies involved can vary depending on the nature of the change and the person’s circumstances.

Step # 1: Becoming aware of what you want to explore

On page 34 of her book Smart Growth, Whitney Johnson explains that finding out what you want to explore is the first part of a personal growth process. This could include, she mentions on page 57, to ask people, who know you well, why they like being around you, and what their relationship with you does for them.

It can also mean, Ms. Johnson writes on page 76, to reflect on life stories in order to develop a greater sense of self awareness. This can include discovering or rediscovering your values. Collecting experiences from her past, Whitney Johnson learned that her mother loved to cook and also wrote cookbooks. In addition, she discovered that food is part of the ways that she feels and expresses love. In relation to this, Rosamund Stone Zander suggests on page 199 of her book The Art of Possibility that we listen for the music of our beings. Choose the practices that shape yourself. They will shape your voice as a unique contribution to us all.

Awareness is the recognition that change is needed. Becoming aware that change is needed might involve realizing that certain behaviors or patterns are causing problems or that there’s a gap between where you are and where you want to be. Awareness is the first block of the ADKAR change management model. The ADKAR change management model consists of 5 stages: 1. Awareness. 2. Desire. 3. Knowledge. 4. Ability. 5. Enforcement.

Step # 2: Developing a desire to move

When a person becomes aware that a change is needed, a meaningful next step is to develop a real desire to grow. This could include recognizing the benefits of change and/or the consequences of not changing. Learning about the transformation of Panelfisa towards self management, I found it interesting that people, who worked for Panelfisa, voted if they wanted change or not. A requirement in this vote was 80% voting for transformation.

To develop a desire to move from A to B, storytelling can help. Storytelling is a tool that can inspire creative thinking and help you imagine a future you want. Telling a positive story can show yourself the way to an even better life. On pages 240-243 of the book Thinking 101, Ahn Woo-Kyoung mentions that to have faith in the future, remind yourself of a time when you had the power to make a difference – in your own life or in the life of another person. Also think about future events with as much detail as you can.

At page 96 of her book Winning from within, Erica Ariel Fox explains that the dreamer strives to invent new possibilities, create and improve things. When we are young, we call it playing. In adolescence, we call it daydreaming. As grown-up professionals, we call it, for example, creating. At its core, the impulse is the same. We desire. We experiment. We wonder. What do you dream of doing? In which direction do you want to go?

In this process avoid underestimating or overestimating yourself. On page 58 of the book Thinking 101, Ahn Woo-Kyoung explains that a person, who underestimates himself or herself, may avoid to go for opportunities. And a person, who overestimates himself / herself, may forget what he or she is not good at.

Step # 3: Committing to change

Committing to change means making a decision to take action. To do that, try to think in positive ways. An example: On page 157 of the book Thinking 101, it is mentioned that when patients with lung cancer were told they had 90% chance of surviving if they underwent surgery, more than 80% of them opted for operation. When patients were told they had 10% chance of dying after surgery, 50% of them opted for operation.

On the Roller Coaster of Change Model this point is at the very bottom of the curve. This is where the energy level is at the lowest points and starts to rise, as the person decides to “stick with it” and starts to search for the new. In other words, at this point things start to get better, and more positive emotions start to emerge more frequently.

Step # 4: Setting a goal

What follows naturally after commitment to change is setting a goal. Setting a goal is of strong importance for guiding the change process. Goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART).

During a Café Scientifique Meetup about information, beliefs, values and means – four aspects that can enable change – I learned from Claude A. Garcia that when a person believes that change matters and has the resources / means to make change change happen, the person develops herself or himself into an architect of change.

Step # 5: Breaking down the goal in smaller tasks

Developing a plan of action outlines the steps needed to achieve your goal. This might involve breaking down your goal into smaller tasks, identifying potential obstacles, and brainstorming strategies to overcome them.

A small, efficient step that I found helpful regarding the transformation to healthier foods was planning to buy chocolate with a relatively high percentage of cocoa and a relatively low percentage of sugar.

Step # 6: Doing things

Towards the end of the book Visible learning and the science of how we learn, a book by John Hattie and C. R. Yates, the IKEA effect is mentioned. The IKEA effect stems from the personal contributions and actual work that a person puts into achieving a goal. In the Kübler-Ross change curve, this is where experimenting happens. During this part of the change process, productivity begins to improve.

At page 200 of her book Winning from within, Erica Ariel Fox writes that the warrior is the part of you that acts – gets things done and delivered. The warrior’s power source is willpower, and her strongest muscle is courage. Playing can also be an important ingredient when learning and grow. On pages 5 and 118 of the book Free to learn, Peter O. Gray explains that Free play is the primary means by which children practice and acquire the physical skills and intellectual skills that are essential for success in the culture in which they are growing. Playfulness motivates children to practice new skills and use those skills creatively.

On page 53 of their book The One Thing, Gary Keller and Jay Papason mention that it takes 66 days on average to develop a habit. In other words, sticking with what you decided to do and taking consistent action is crucial for making progress towards a goal – in particular when you are faced with challenges or setbacks.. This might involve actively doing new things, having new habits, learning new skills, seeking support from other people and making other necessary adjustments to achieve the desired change. An example: To avoid eating too much chocolate, a helpful action I took was to put chocolate in a place, where I would not see it during the day.

Step # 7: Accepting and expressing emotions

At location 2200 of her book Emotional Agility, Susan David indicates that fear can block change. Fear sometimes appears in disguise, for example when we postpone things, when we seek perfection, when we have low confidence and/or when we make excuses. Fear speaks only one word: No. Examples: No, I will just fail. No, I don’t know anyone there. No, that shirt will look awful on me. No, I would rather wait. No, I prefer to avoid that. Following up on that Ms. David mentions that accepting and expressing emotions are key actions to handle emotions with agility. In relation to a person feeling fear, he or she can tame the fear, which she or he feels, by accepting and expressing it.

At page 146 of her book The language of emotions Karla McLaren puts focus on this as well: When your emotions are welcomed and honored, they move easily and quickly. Ms. McLaren explains at page 74 that if we can welcome our flowing emotions as necessary – like the water element in our fully functional psyches – we won’t need to go into a problem-solving mode. For example, she notes on page 36 that when your fear flows nicely, you will feel focused, centered, capable, and agile. Your free-flowing fear brings you instincts, intuition and focus. If you can rely on fear’s calm, listening, sensing stance, it will help you read people and situations empathically.

Change often takes time and effort, and setbacks are inevitable. Therefore, this step may require consistent effort, practice, and perseverance. Perseverance involves staying committed to your goal and continuing to take action, even in the face of challenges. To help name and express emotions, the Feelings Wheel can help.

Step # 8: Analyzing progress

Regularly analyzing progress, which you make towards achieving your goal, allows you to figure out what is working and what is not working.

Step # 9: Adapting

Evaluating progress helps you make adjustments to your plan and stay on track towards your goal. Being willing to adapt and make changes to your approach as you learn and grow is essential for long-term success.

Step # 10: Setting new goals

What do you do when you have achieved your goal? You start a new process of individual change. What do you wish to learn next?

Sources of inspiration:
https://alban.org/archive/the-roller-coaster-of-change/
https://www.calameo.com/read/0035073790b7b340e5cd1
https://feelingswheel.com/
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1918959132
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2768418051
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3892573013
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6058484027
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/963181477
https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-wfwyoubr/events/299829507
chat.openai.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/inside-out/201308/6-steps-personal-change
https://blog.udemy.com/adkar-change-management-model/
you.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r53DPr7EhsA

What are concrete examples of initiatives a person can take to strengthen spiritual growth?

Strengthening spiritual growth can take many forms, as it’s a deeply personal journey that varies greatly from person to person based on their beliefs, values, and experiences. Here are some concrete examples of initiatives people can take to strengthen their spiritual growth:

Breathing and self-reflection
Taking time to breathe and reflect on thoughts that go through your mind, emotions you feel and experiences you have can facilitate self-discovery and spiritual growth. Breathing and self reflection can help us connect with our inner selves, a higher power, and/or with the universe. These are examples of breathing exercises.

Serving people
Serving people, for example through acts of kindness, can be a powerful way to express spirituality and make a positive impact in the world.

Expressing thankfulness
Cultivating an attitude of thankfulness by appreciating good things in your life can foster a sense of connection and spirituality. Here are examples of thankfulness exercises.

Reading books
Reading books that explore spiritual topics and can provide valuable insights and inspiration for spiritual growth. Reflecting on the information and finding ways to apply it in your life can deepen your understanding and connection to your spirituality.

Using your senses in nature
Nature can help people feel connected to something greater than themselves. Try, for example, this sensing exercise when you are in nature.

Other sources of inspiration:
chat.openai.com
you.com

What are examples of kinesthetic learning strategies?

Examples of kinesthetic learning strategies:

Learning games
Learning games that involve movement. Examples.

Feeding animals
By feeding animals, students learn, for example, about animal behavior, animal biology, animal food and ecology.

Scanning a paper
By scanning a paper using a machine, students will, for example, learn about digital file formats such as pdf or jpeg as well as about adjusting settings. An example:

Making food
By making food, students can, for example, learn about ingredients and about cooking skills. An example:

Other sources of inspiration:
chat.openai.com
you.com

How is it possible that a person can smile and feel miserable at the same time?

Because of the complexity of emotions, which humans feel, and because people have the ability to mask or suppress emotions that we feel, it is possible for us to smile and, at the same time, feel miserable. Why may this happen? 4 possibilities:

A. The person may experience conflicting emotions simultaneously
The person may, at the same time, be experiencing a mix of positive and negative emotions. For example, a person, who takes part in a farewell party of a good colleague and friend, may have a smile on her or his face because they had and have a good time together. At the same time, the person may feel sad that the colleague is moving on to a new work challenge.

B. The person may want to adapt to expectations that she or he thinks other people have
When the person is with other people, she or me may think that they expect her or him to smile. To conform to the expectations that the person thinks other people have, she or may may smile – even if she or he feels miserable. This disconnect between the person’s outward expression and inner state can happen for several reasons. By smiling, the person may want to to maintain a positive image and/or avoid confrontation.

C. The person may wish to avoid burdening other people
Another reason that a person smiles while feeling miserable can be that the person wishes to keep the mood light in the group and/or avoid to bother other people with problems she or he has. This wish to not open up because of fear that other people may feel overloaded by problems, which they hear from the person, can create a dissonance between the emotions, which the person feels, and how the person acts.

D. The person may wish to avoid expressing vulnerability
Smiling in a situation when feeling miserable can be a method that the person uses to protect herself or himself from expressing vulnerability. A reason for putting on a mask and expressing other emotions than he or she really feels can be that he or she wishes to convince herself / himself and/or other people that everything is okay – even if she or he is struggling emotionally. This can be a coping mechanism used to maintain a sense of control over emotions he or she feels.

Sources:
chat.openai.com
you.com

Listening beyond words

In a highly interactive workshop, wonderfully developed and facilitated by Irene Contreras and Matthis Lauebli, I learned more about the power of listening. The workshop took place at Impact Hub Basel.

These were my favorite workshop exercises and conversations:

Exercise # 1: Listen for 7 minutes to another person
Listening for 7 minutes to Thea, whom I teamed up with for this exercise, was really interesting. At the beginning of the exercise, Thea suggested that we walk and talk in the large workshop room as we listen to each other. Having had numerous great experiences with walk and talks, I was perfectly ok with her idea. It almost made me cry of joy, as I listened to Thea expressing strong gratitude for this unique opportunity that we – as a small group of people – had taken to practice listening with each other on this Saturday morning in Basel.

Reflecting on what Thea said, I came to think of the power of thankfulness. What I also learned during this simple and impactful exercise is how important it is that a person truly listens when another person speaks. When another truly listens, the person, who speaks, feels really heard. Truly listening can, I experience, significantly increase the degree of psychological safety that people feel in their hearts and minds.

As Irene rang the gong after the last 7 minutes, indicating the end of the exercise, Thea and I spontaneously hugged each other. It was a special moment that came naturally. And I felt that hugging somehow also helped to strengthen listening. Reflecting on this, I came to think of the power of humans’ sense touch.

Exercise # 2: What is your best listening experience? What is your worst listening experience?
This exercise initiated by Irene Contreras and Matthis Lauebli at the very start of the workshop was powerful. Thinking about the best listening experience I had, I came to think of listening to children. I experience that many children are curious and think creatively. I find that valuable.

Reflecting on the worst listening experience I had, I came to think of listening to myself – especially to my heart. For me, listening to my heart means to listen to emotions that feel – including being curious about where they come from. I would like to get better at that. For example, when I feel shame, I would like to get better atbl understanding where that comes from. That means to be being curious about and asking my heart brain as well as my head brain to name emotions I feel and try to figure out why I feel those emotions.

Exercise # 3: Listening to music
During another fascinating workshop exercise, which made me feel joyful and inspired, we listened to The Moldau. It was a creatively thought exercise, I found. This listening challenge made me reflect on the purpose of music. Also listening to the music helprd me to get in touch with my heart. As I heard the wonderfully soft movements in the composition, it felt as if my heart softened and somehow also widened. While listening to the music, I mostly looked out the window – at the sky, the clouds and some trees. I noticed how the focus on senses – in this regard listening as well as seeing – helped me listen better.

Exercise # 4: Draw and tell exercise
During a draw and tell exercise I noticed and learned from stories, which people shared, that several workshop contributors focused on creating drawings, which had to do with relating to other people. In other words, it was dimension # 3 of the inner development goals which, for several participants, was at play here.

This resonated with me, as I had I found out something similar while writing a book about love as well as searching for and thinking about exercises to strengthen love. The drawing that inspired me the most was a drawing by Yuliya Romayuk – a drawing that resembled the sun and to me symbolized energy.

Conversations after the workshop
After the workshop I had a fantastic chat over an ice tea with Eleftheria Egel. We talked about possibilities to create systems in companies that pay people not only for talking and providing answers – but also for listening and asking questions. It could be questions that help us all discover values we have.

On the train ride back to Zürich, I had some really interesting conversations with Matthias Lauebli and Irene Contreras. I recall conversations about purpose driven organizations that strengthen self management. We talked, for example, about Buurtzorg and Morning Star. More broadly, we discussed our common history of societies being organized quite hierarchically. Asking Irene Contreras about Spain, which I had read about in Tim Marshall’s fantastic book The Power of geography I learned, what is also mentioned at page 280 if the book, that Spain’s mountainous terrain and large size hindered trade links between regions and ensured that the country’s regions retained strong cultural and linguistic identities. Also, I read, on page 301, that in 1977, Spain held its first democratic election since 1936.

Thank you Irene Contreras and Matthias Lauebli for a highly important and useful workshop.

Why do dogs often appear joyful?

Why do dogs often appear joyful? Feedback from ChatGPT:

Dogs often appear joyful due to a combination of factors:

1. Social creatures: Dogs are inherently social animals. They form strong bonds with humans and other animals, and interaction with their human companions or other dogs often brings them joy.
2. Body language: Dogs have various ways of expressing happiness through their body language. They may wag their tails, pant with a relaxed expression, have a loose body posture, and even playfully bounce around. These behaviors often indicate their joy and excitement.
3. Unconditional love: Dogs have an innate ability to show unconditional love and affection towards their owners. This bond fosters feelings of happiness and contentment in both the dog and the owner.
4. Simple pleasures: Dogs find joy in simple things like going for walks, playing fetch, or receiving belly rubs. They are easily entertained and derive pleasure from engaging in activities that stimulate their senses.
5. Living in the moment: Dogs have a remarkable ability to live in the present moment. They don’t dwell on past events or worry about the future, which allows them to fully enjoy each moment and experience joy in everyday activities.

Overall, the combination of their social nature, expressive body language, unconditional love, appreciation for simple pleasures, and ability to live in the moment contributes to why dogs often appear joyful.

Letting our masks fall

During a really interesting global teal meetup the expression “letting our masks fall” came up. To find out what it means, I sought assistance from ChatGPT. I learned from the feedback I received that the phrase “letting masks fall” typically refers to being authentic or revealing one’s true self. It suggests a moment when someone drops their facade – allowing others to see them as they truly are, without any pretensions or hidden agendas. This expression often implies a sense of vulnerability and honesty, as it involves being open about one’s thoughts and felt emotions. For example, when we feel the emotion sadness, we show that we feel sad. It can be a liberating experience, which can foster genuine connections and deeper relationships with others. In a broader sense, “letting masks fall” can also relate to societal or cultural norms, where individuals or groups may discard / shed societal expectations or roles to express their true beliefs, values, or identities.

From what John Underwood shared during the meetup, I understood that sharing stories from our everyday lives and reflecting on what we do, how we do things as well as why we do things can be very meaningful and helpful. And listening to Engela Verwey I understood that for her feeling safe to show vulnerability is central to letting masks fall. What are examples of ways we can show vulnerability was a question that stayed with me after listening to John, Engela, Oyer Corazón and others during the workshop. Asking ChatGPT the question, this is the feedback I received from the generative AI machine:

Sharing personal stories:
As John Underwood indicated, opening up about our past experiences, struggles, and challenges can be a powerful way to show vulnerability. It allows others to see the depth of experiences we had in our lives. And sharing stories can create empathy and understanding.

Expressing emotions:
Openly sharing emotions, which we feel, allows others to see our authentic selves. This might involve saying things like “I feel sad” or “I feel happy” about something we experienced.

Sharing your hopes and dreams:
Talking about hopes and dreams we have for the future can be vulnerable because it exposes your inner desires and ambitions. It allows others to see what is important to us and can deepen connections. What I learned from a breakout session during the workshop is that many people wish to work in an environment where values such as transparency, freedom and care are lived. In this regard, I came to think of the book Humanocracy by Michele Zanini and Gary Hamel.

Admitting mistakes:
Acknowledging when we have made a mistake doing something shows humility and allows others to see that we are imperfect human beings. It can create an environment where people feel more comfortable being honest about their own shortcomings. This point about imperfection is also something that Amy Edmondson writes about in her book Right kind of wrong. In addition, Robert McLean and Charles Conn deal well with this in their book The Imperfectionists.

Asking for help:
Asking for support or assistance when you need it shows vulnerability by admitting that you can’t do everything on your own. Asking other people for help is a way of showing trust in others as well as being open about your limitations.

Being open about insecurities:
Everyone has self-doubt and insecurities. It is part of being a human being. And being honest about insecurities, we have, can help break down barriers and create deeper connections. Whether it’s admitting to feeling inadequate in certain situations or sharing what we feel fear about, being vulnerable about your insecurities can help others feel more comfortable doing the same.

Setting boundaries:
Expressing needs we have as well as boundaries we have can feel vulnerable because it requires honesty and assertiveness. However, it is an important part of healthy relationships and allows others to understand and respect your limits.

Apologizing sincerely:
Offering a genuine apology when you have hurt someone shows vulnerability because it requires admitting fault and taking responsibility for your actions. It demonstrates humility and a willingness to repair the relationship. When was the last time you said “I am sorry about that” after having learned that you hurt someone with something you said?

What does consciousness mean?

Examples of consciousness can be observed in various aspects of human experience. 3 examples:

Awareness of own beliefs and values
The ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from others and to have a sense of identity. This includes understanding one’s own beliefs and values.

Awareness of emotions
The awareness and experience of emotions – including joy, sadness, fear, anger, and love. This involves recognizing and responding to one’s own emotional states and those of others.

Awareness of senses
The awareness of senses such as seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. For example, you can be conscious of what your hands touch.

Sources:
chat.openai.com
gemini.google.com
you.com

What are the most important differences between empathy and compassion?

Empathy
Empathy refers to the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. An example is that you see a friend crying and feel their sadness along with them. Empathy involves recognizing and understanding another person’s emotions, whether they are positive or negative. It is about putting oneself in the other person’s shoes, experiencing what he or she is feeling and understanding their perspective. In other words, empathy primarily concerns the emotional experience of understanding and resonating with someone else’s emotions.

Empathy can sometimes lead to emotional exhaustion, as individuals may become overwhelmed by sharing the emotional burden of others without being able to effectively help.

Compassion
While empathy creates understanding, compassion is more likely to inspire feelings of concern, worry, or sympathy. Compassion takes empathy a step further by motivating individuals to take action to relieve suffering. In other words, compassion is – in comparison with empathy – a deeper and more active response, as it involves not only understanding another person’s suffering but also having a desire to alleviate that suffering. Empathy and compassion often occur together, with empathy acting as fuel for compassion. An example is that you see your friend crying, feel their sadness, and offer them a hug or ask how you can help.

In other words, compassion goes beyond just feeling what the other person feels to taking action to help them. Actively engaging with the other person to provide support and assistance fosters a sense of care and solidarity. While still acknowledging and understanding the suffering of others, compassion can be more sustainable because it involves taking action, which can lead to a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Sources:
chat.openai.com
gemini.google.com
you.com

What to do about loneliness

A conversation with Christian Casparis about what to do about loneliness.